Ficlet Goodness
by DeAtHzLuLaByY
Summary: If you're as bored as I was when I wrote these, they should entertain you for a few minutes. New stores added regularly, since I'm bored a lot of the time...
1. Author's Note

Author's note: Well, I was going to start off with a tragedy, but right when I was getting around to writing it I decided it would be easier to do a bunch of pointless ficlets first *shrug* so, here they are? They are genuinely stupid, and will have no positive effect on your mindset. They are not full of inspiration, they are not well-written, they have no morals, so do not read them expecting to be touched. They are just random improvisational ramblings I came up with on a summer afternoon because I was sitting around on my cushy bum with nothing better to do. But if you DO read it (or some of it.) reviews would be good, I'm always open to constructive criticism, which I no doubt will get plenty of.and if you want, I can read and review your fic(s) if you have any, I just need something to do.*sigh*. Just a warning, although I don't generally write stuff like this, at times like these, when I'm incredibly bored and it's a hundred degrees, my crude side kind of kicks in, so a few of my darling little ficlets just might be a tad offensive. Of course, I didn't make ALL of them like that, which would be pretty pathetic. But just a warning for those precious few of you who merely glance at the word "ass" and scoff repeatedly while your skin tone changes in a rather chameleon-esque way. So if you're not into *that* kind of humor, I suggest you leave. NOW. So then, I'll be shutting my chomper then. Enjoy. :) 


	2. Toast

Harry was eating his breakfast.  
He was eating toast.  
The toast was delicious.  
It was warm.  
He put butter on the toast.  
He took another bite.  
It was good.  
He finished the toast.  
He wanted another piece.  
There was no more toast left.  
Ron had eaten it all.  
Harry killed Ron.  
He stared at the empty plate.  
He licked the crumbs.  
He wanted more toast.  
But there was to be no more until tomorrow morning.  
He cried.  
THE END 


	3. Stuck

Hermione walked down a hallway.  
Draco walked down a hallway.  
Hermione turned a corner.  
Draco turned a corner.  
Hermione crashed into Draco.  
Draco crashed into Hermione.  
Hermione fell down.  
Draco fell down.  
Hermione tried to get up.  
Draco tried to get up.  
Hermione was stuck to the ground.  
Draco was not.  
Hermione could not stand.  
Draco stood.  
"My ickle derriere is stuck to this hard marble floor," said Hermione.  
"My squishy lumbago is not stuck to this cold marble floor" said Draco.  
Hermione blinked.  
Draco walked away.  
Hermione could not get up.  
THE END 


	4. String

Hermione, Harry, and Ron were doing their homework in the Common Room.  
Crookshanks came in.  
Crookshanks had a string in his mouth.  
The string was dirty.  
Crookshanks chewed the string.  
Ron looked up.  
Ron stared at Crookshanks.  
Crookshanks stared at Ron.  
"Hey, that's MY string!" said Ron.  
Crookshanks chewed the string.  
Ron threw Crookshanks out the window.  
Hermione screamed.  
She threw a shoehorn at Ron.  
Ron died.  
Harry did his homework.  
THE END 


	5. Orange

Draco was walking on the Hogwarts grounds.  
He had a feeling.  
He heard a noise.  
He was being followed.  
He turned around.  
There was an orange on the ground.  
He stared at the orange.  
The orange did nothing.  
He continued to walk.  
He had a feeling.  
He heard a noise.  
He was being followed.  
He turned around.  
The orange had not moved.  
It was in the same place as before.  
He stared at the orange.  
The orange did nothing.  
He walked towards the orange.  
He stared at the orange.  
The orange did nothing.  
He kicked the orange into the lake.  
He continued walking.  
THE END 


	6. Hairbrush

Hermione was brushing her hair in the girls dormitory one evening before  
breakfast.  
Lavender came in and walked to Hermione, who was brushing her hair.  
Lavender stared.  
Hermione stared back.  
Lavender said "There's something I want to tell you."  
Hermione stopped brushing her hair.  
She grabbed Lavender's nose and said "Yoink" by way of greeting.  
"Hermione, I'm not who you think I am"  
Hermione continued to brush her hair.  
"I'm a man" Lavender blurted.  
Hermione looked at Lavender's crotch.  
It had a bump.  
Hermione brushed her hair.  
THE END 


	7. Cauldron

Neville and Snape were staring into Neville's cauldron.  
It was full of a smelly potion.  
"I dare you to sit in that cauldron", Snape told Neville.  
"Okay", Neville replied.  
Neville took off his clothes.  
He stepped into the cauldron.  
"Good job", Snape nodded.  
Neville was proud.  
Snape joined Neville.  
"Let go of me!" shouted Neville.  
Snape giggled.  
The class scooted in for a closer look.  
Then they saw.  
Snape had his hands between Neville's legs.  
The class stared.  
And there was much rejoicing.  
THE END 


	8. Bed

Harry woke up.  
Dean was in his bed.  
Harry stared at Dean.  
Dean did not stare at Harry.  
Dean was asleep.  
Harry poked Dean.  
Dean woke up.  
Harry stared at Dean.  
Dean stared at Harry.  
"What are you doing in my bed, Dean?" Harry asked.  
"I don't know" said Dean.  
Harry shrugged.  
Dean shrugged.  
They fell asleep.  
They missed breakfast.  
They were grumpy.  
They scowled all day.  
"Why are you scowling, Harry and Dean?" asked Seamus.  
They killed Seamus.  
THE END 


	9. Class

It was the first Charms class for the new year.  
Everyone had shiny new quills.  
The class sat in their seats, waiting for Professor Flitwick.  
He never came.  
Zacharias Smith walked into the room.  
"You're in the wrong class", said Harry.  
"No I'm not", said Zacharias.  
"Yes you are!" said Ron.  
Zacharias looked around.  
He was in the wrong class.  
He screamed and ran out the door.  
THE END 


	10. Fart

It was lunch in the Great Hall.  
Everyone was eating.  
All of a sudden, someone farted.  
It was Neville.  
People screamed.  
"Open the window!" yelled Fred.  
Everyone held their breath.  
George could not hold it that long.  
He breathed in.  
Then he died.  
Everyone ran outside.  
Neville kept eating.  
He shrugged.  
THE END 


	11. Substitute

Professor Sprout was missing.  
She did not show up in Herbology.  
"Where could she be?" said Harry.  
"She must be eating," said Dean.  
Suddenly, there was a flash.  
People looked around.  
Then they saw it.  
Ron had a scar on his forehead.  
It was shaped like a man's face.  
The scar laughed at them.  
Ron screamed.  
"I will be your substitute teacher today" said the scar.  
The class stared at Ron's forehead.  
Then they learned about bubotubers.  
THE END 


	12. Itch

It was midnight.  
Seamus sat up in bed.  
"My foot itches!" he whined to Dean's bed.  
The other boys slept on.  
"My foot itches!" he told Harry's four-poster.  
The other boys slept on.  
"My foot itches!" he complained to Neville's snores.  
The other boys slept on.  
"SOMEONE SCRATCH MY GODDAMN FOOT!" he shrieked in agony.  
The other boys slept on.  
Seamus grumbled.  
He grumbled again.  
He grumbled for a long time.  
He was a very good grumbler.  
Then he fell asleep.  
THE END 


	13. Orgy

It was a nice day.  
Ron was talking to Draco.  
"Weasley scum!" Draco drawled.  
Then Draco looked down.  
So did Ron.  
Ron had an orgy.  
Draco laughed.  
Ron blushed.  
"I love you, Draco," he whispered.  
Draco stared.  
"I love you too, Weasley," he said.  
They then emerged in a session of very aggressive gay sex.  
Harry saw them.  
Then he cried.  
THE END 


	14. Airplane

"Harry, your ears are so red!" said Hermione.  
"My ears hurt," said Harry.  
"Maybe you should see Madame Pomfrey," said Ron.  
"It feels like I've been on an airplane," said Harry.  
"Oh." said Hermione.  
"What the fuck is an airplane?" said Ron.  
They stared at Ron.  
Ron stared at them.  
Harry belched.  
And their lives were never the same again. 


	15. Lemon

Alastor Moody was sitting in his favorite chair eating petit fours.  
He was thirsty.  
He needed something to go with the petit fours.  
He found a lemon.  
"I will make lemonade," he said.  
Then he noticed something.  
The lemon was shrinking.  
He stared at the lemon.  
It shrunk.  
It was small.  
He prodded the lemon.  
It giggled.  
He screamed.  
THE END 


	16. Foot

((A/N: I changed the rating to pg, because I really didn't feel it was  
really pg13 *shrugs* I dunno. Correct me if I'm wrong.))  
Harry woke up.  
It was the middle of the night.  
He had not woken from a dream.  
His scar was not hurting.  
What woke Harry?  
Then he saw the thing.  
Something in his bed was moving.  
The thing looked like some sort of animal.  
The thing was wiggling under the covers.  
Harry prodded the thing.  
The thing crawled.  
He did not like the thing.  
He then realized the thing was his foot. 


	17. Napkin

It was dinner in the Great Hall.  
Harry reached for a napkin.  
Hermione reached for the same napkin.  
Their hands touched.  
They looked at their hands.  
Then they looked at eachother.  
"There's dirt in your nails, Harry," said Hermione.  
Harry was angry.  
He grabbed the napkin.  
"You know, I was GOING to let you have this napkin!" said Harry.  
Now Hermione was angry.  
They glared at each other.  
Then Hermione grabbed for the napkin.  
It ripped.  
They stared at the pieces of napkin.  
THE END 


	18. AN

Oh, joy! I got reviews? And I've only had this out for a day. *Does a little jig* YAY! So, a big thanks to my reviewers StarWars-Freak, Kerbi, Fetylum (who have cool fics of their own ^_~) and Kendall. Yay. *clap clap* Well I was working on another different fic (like, an actual story), but then it got all BLEEARGH and I got mad. That fic had it in for me. I didn't like it very much to begin with. So, for a while at least, I'm going to stay in the safety of this one thing and keep writing pointless Monty- Python-ish parodies instead of the drama I was originally going to do.eh, I suck. *Does another little jig, but a much more slow, sad, jig.:(* Well, yeh. Just had a rambling moment I needed to share with the world ^_~ hehe. So if any of you read these, PLEASE remember to review? Please? *puppy dog eyes* cause then I can go up to my cat and be like "HA! Lookit! I'm special!" ^_^ hurrah. So.I wrote some more, yeh. I'll be adding them in now.yeh. Cheerio!~ 


	19. Crabbe

((A/N: This is based on a real life idiot, my dear friend, Patti. Yep. I'm  
talking to her on the phone right now, as I type this. BWAHAHA. Every  
single thing Crabbe says is what she's telling me.unaltered.lol.she's odd,  
but, hey, that's why she's so tight.))  
Crabbe was sitting on the floor of the Slytherin Common Room.  
He was organizing beads.  
Draco came in.  
"What are you doing with those beads, Crabbe?" demanded Draco.  
"I found these beads, so I'm doing what my sister does with beads," said  
Crabbe.  
Draco blinked.  
"I'm organizing them. I spent like, the whole afternoon organizing them,"  
said Crabbe.  
Draco stared.  
"Ash better keep away from these beads! He's my dog," said Crabbe.  
"You said you were allergic to dogs." said Draco.  
"And apparently, these beads are really beautiful," said Crabbe  
intelligently.  
"Right," said Draco.  
"And speaking of that, I heard about scary urban legends that are true!"  
said Crabbe.  
"Okay," said Draco.  
"Scary, scary, scary," squeaked Crabbe.  
Draco smirked in disbeleif.  
"Draco?" Crabbe looked up at him, then continued, "So there was one, about  
a girl."  
Draco began to leave, and Crabbe talked louder.  
".and she went to this very school. And there used to be this old tradition  
that people would scream at midnight when it was the end of finals," Crabbe  
paused for effect.  
"No there wasn't," said Draco.  
".And the girl didn't want to scream with them, and a murderer came and  
killed her.but no one could hear her scream, because they were all  
screaming!" Crabbe finished dramatically.  
"Whatever," Draco left.  
"Scary, scary, scary!" Crabbe called after him.  
Draco was gone.  
Crabbe resumed organizing his beads.  
An hour later he muttered to himself, "Scary, scary, scary."  
And all was right with the world.  
THE END  
((A/N: Oh yeh, Taff: Okay, so I'm open to constructive criticism and even  
flames, but it IS kind of pathetic when you don't say anything that's worth  
hearing. :P note the "constructive" in constructive criticism. If I wanted  
that amazing insight of yours I could have asked my sister and she'd tell  
me the same thing. So to all you readers, I love reviews, whether positive  
or not, but it drives me mad when you don't tell me what sucks so much.  
Okay now I sound like a retard.but seriously, I mean it. Please tell me  
your opinion of what's good and what sucks ass, because I'm trying to  
improve. Now I sound like even more of a retard.well, I mean, these  
little.ficlet.things aren't really stories, but I mean in the future when I  
finally post up my more serious story things. Yeah. Oh, and another thing:  
if any of you are under the impression that I hate HP, you are much  
mistaken. I'm in love with the books, I've read them each more than 5  
times, I read OotP in 2 days (and I'm usually a slow reader, yea.) I was  
just bored and having a bit of fun. Ey, but by all means, keep the disses  
coming. Hehe they're almost as good as positive feedback if they say  
something with a point. Okie then ^_^ Love yeh for reading.)) 


	20. Seaweed

((A/N: I might not be updating so much for a while, because I've been  
busier with friends and hobbies and all that shit so I haven't had as much  
time to be a couch potato and think of retarded little.things. Hehe. And to  
all my luverlie reviewers ^_^ who put up new review things today:  
calliope: hmm I didn't quite get how you could have heard it before, unless  
it was coincidence, because I just made up things based on objects and  
situations and.yea. *shrugs* yeh.  
Horse Obsessed: lol. Kay then.  
lovesprungfromhate: Eh, ehehe. Well I don't really have that much spare  
time, it only takes me thirty seconds for each one. ^_^" I guess I am  
pretty pathetic hehe.  
Ulalume Lenore Glaspell: Hehe yay, glad you like it ^_^"". Yeah, you're  
probably right, I'll go change the rating then.  
Keep the reviews coming, if you liked it, then tell me, and I'll be happy  
and stuff.  
If you hated it, tell me, and hopefully my ego will deflate a bit.just one  
thing, make sure all your flames are well thought out, k? Well, I have to  
go somewhere now and I don't know when I'll be back, so I don't have time  
to read and review all my reviewers awesome fics, but I promise I'll check  
out all of the signed reviewers stuff when I get back, k? ^_^ believe it or  
not, I like angst more than humor.hehe I'm just too scared to write one  
that I'd publish. Whoa this is a really long note. Eck. Hehe, so I also  
don't have much time to write stories, but, I'll write one. I don't know if  
you can call it a story but it might be worthy of half a seconds  
entertainment? Eh.))  
Parvatti had seaweed in her hair.  
She thought about how stylish she looked.  
But Ron mistook her for Medusa.  
He hexed her.  
Parvatti lost her hair.  
She cried.  
She threw rocks at Ron.  
Random students watched.  
The onlookers shook their heads.  
Then they all ate baked seaweed.  
THE END 


	21. Carrots

((A/N: Okay, I know, I'm putting in WAAAY too many of these notes. Eh. But  
erm, yeah. Okie, well first, an ANNOUNCEMENT: I have finally gotten to  
writing something other than these stupid things, it's a one-shot, and I  
don't know if it's drama or angst or what.it doesn't really seem like  
either, it's just.a thing. About Wormtail's POV as a kid. I'd love it sooo  
much if you could spare a minute to read and review that one, since it's my  
first bit of actual writing. Thanks bunches ^_^. Now for my reviewers:  
deariesweets: o_0 nice and informative, eh? Sheesh.  
chaolin: I wrote the orange one when I was drinking orange juice. Hehe.  
George luver: Hehe, I'll go check out your fics.  
Chickabiddy: Eh, to tell you the truth I don't much like the sexual ones  
either.I was out of ideas? *Shrug* but yeah, I've changed the rating back  
to PG13 already.  
I think that's all.oh, hehe and I've decided I won't write anything else  
above a PG rating, but I won't take out the others. *shrug* lol, keep all  
your old work.so here's something I just made up for no reason.I'll put up  
a big bunch of little ficlets without stupid notes on them soon ^_~))  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Harry and Ron were eating carrots with ranch dressing.  
They were talking about the cute Ravenclaw seeker, Cho Chang.  
Then they ran out of dressing.  
They still had carrots.  
And they were still hungry.  
They got into a heated argument about who was to find more dressing.  
And things were never the same again.  
THE END 


	22. James

((A/N: The next three of these ficlets are about the Marauder era, k? Yeh.  
So, hehe got one reviewer last night but that's ok. Lol.  
fragglerox: Yay! You really liked it? Whoo! *Does a little jig*  
hehe.^___^))  
**  
James was prancing merrily across the grounds.  
He was singing a happy song.  
He ran into Lily.  
Lily stared.  
"You look like an idiot," she said.  
James realized that she was right.  
He blushed.  
THE END 


	23. Werewolf

It was another full moon.  
The others still had not discovered Sirius' secret.  
Sirius was lonely.  
He went to the Shack alone.  
He waited for the transformation.  
Then he realized that he was not a werewolf.  
He had been thinking of Remus.  
Sirius went back to the castle.  
He met Remus along the way.  
Remus growled at him.  
Sirius ran.  
THE END 


	24. Wormtail

Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot, and Prongs were out one night.  
It was another full moon.  
Padfoot was laughing at Wormtail because he was a rat.  
Wormtail was angry.  
He bit Padfoot.  
Padfoot ate him.  
The others laughed.  
THE END 


	25. Song

Lockhart was in St Mungo's, still working on regaining his memory.  
"Look! I wrote a SONG! IT RYHMES!" he tugged the sleeve of a healer.  
"That's wonderful! You can write again? Sing it to me," said the healer.  
Lockhart cleared his throat, "HEM, HEM," and began to sing:  
"BORK said the chicken,  
CORK said the bottle,  
DORK said the whale,  
FORK said the spoon,  
PORK said the pig,  
SPORK said the dandelion,  
AND THEY DANCED MERRILY,  
TILL THE END OF THEIR DAYS,  
AND THERE WAS MUCH REJOICING."  
The healer sighed and kicked Lockhart in the shin.  
THE END 


	26. Trelawney

Harry ran out of the boys bathroom, screaming.  
"COLIN CREEVY HAS A NOSEBLEED!"  
Gregory (Goyle) rushed into the bathroom to have a look.  
He ran out screaming.  
"EEEEEEHIVIL CELLOPHANE! EEEHIVIL!"  
Trelawney shook her head.  
"Finally, those boys have some sense!" she muttered.  
Colin blinked.  
His nose was not bleeding.  
THE END 


	27. Singing

((A/N: I was REALLY bored so I just decided to make this thing.errr. The  
song is "stuck" by Stacie Orrico. Damn I love that song.I've been listening  
to it for two days straight.I dunno, I guess this is a little like an MST?  
*shrugs* Whatever. I'm going to make it in sort of a script format because  
it's a piece of crap that's not worth wasting too much time on and it's  
easier that way. XP Oh yea, and (parentheses) mean he's singing. KAY? Whoo.  
WARNING: some swearing here.))  
It was 4 in the morning, Harry had just woken from a nightmare and begins  
to sing.  
Harry: (I can't get out of bed today.)  
Dean: *falls out of bed* OW!  
Harry: (or get you off my mind.)  
Seamus: Great, Harry.now go back to sleep.  
Harry: I was TALKING to Neville!  
Neville: *promptly removes himself from Harry's head* Sorry!  
Harry: (I just can't seem to find a way--)  
Ron: *groggy* Take some melatonin.  
Harry: (To leave the love behind.)  
Dean: We're TRYING to sleep you bastard!  
Harry: (I ain't trippin'.)  
Seamus: If you don't stop singing I WILL hurt you.  
Harry: (I'm just missing--)  
Ron: *socks Harry with his pillow angrily*  
Harry: *grunt* Ouch.(You know what I'm saying.)  
Neville: (You know what I mean.)  
Seamus: not you TOO?!?!  
Neville: I like that song.  
Harry: (You kept me hanging on a string.)  
Dean: We WILL hang you.  
Harry: (While you made me cry.)  
Neville: MEN DON'T CRY!  
Ron: Look who's talking, dickhead.  
Neville: *cries*  
Harry: (I tried to give you everything.)  
Neville: *continues to cry*  
Seamus: Ron, you git, that was uncalled for!  
Dean: Yeah, now he's never gonna shut up!  
Harry: (But you just gave li-ies.)  
Dean: Harry if you break any windows, none of us are going to fix them.  
Harry: (I ain't trippin'.)  
Seamus: *rolls eyes* so we've heard.  
Harry: (I'm just missing--)  
Neville: *sniffle*  
Harry: (You know what I'm saying, you know what I meaaan yea.)  
Dean: Are you like, completely oblivious to us.  
Harry: (Every now and then.)  
Ron: *stuffs parchment into Harry's mouth. Harry spits it out*  
Harry: (When I'm all alone.)  
Seamus: He is HOPELESS  
Harry: (I've been wishing you would call me on the telephone.)  
Ron: What the hell is a fellytone?  
Dean: TELEPHONE, BITCH!  
Harry: (Say you want me there..)  
Neville: Who would? Eh.  
Harry: (But you never do, I feel like such a fool)  
Seamus: Someone feels like a fool while singing pop songs late at night. Go  
figure.  
Harry: (There's nothing I can DOOOoOoO)  
Ron: What was the incantation for a Silencing Charm again?  
Dean: *shrugs*  
Harry: (I'm such a fool for youuuu)  
Seamus: I think it was.um.aw dammit.  
Harry: (I CAAANT TAKE IT!)  
Seamus: SHUT UP or we'll be in trouble.  
Dean: yes! Shut up bastard!  
Harry: (What am I waiting for?)  
Ron: Oh, for heaven's sake! *punches Harry. Hard.*  
Harry: (my HEARTS still BREAAAKIN)  
Ron: That's not ALL of you that's gonna be breaking.  
Harry: (I miss you even more.)  
Neville: *sits on top of Harry's stomach and bobs his head*  
Harry: (and I can't FAKE it)  
Dean: *kicks Harry*  
Harry: (the way I could before!)  
Seamus: For our sakes just fake sleeping.eh.  
Harry: (I hate you)  
Ron: We hate you too, asswipe.  
Harry: (But I love you)  
Neville: I love me too. Promoting Self-Love is important.  
Ron: *beats up Neville and knocks him unconcious* Despicable!  
Harry: (I can't stop thinking of you.)  
Dean: Why are we just sitting here letting him finish?  
Harry: (It's TRUUUE)  
Seamus: Good point Dean.  
Harry: (I'm stuck on YoOoOoUu.)  
Ron: *beats up Harry*  
Seamus and Dean join in.  
Harry dies.  
Neville wakes up and sees Harry.  
He cries.  
Then Harry is brought back to life.  
Neville claps.  
And everyone falls asleep again. 


	28. King

((A/N: My reviewers.  
Silverbreeze: thanks soooo much for being my first reviewer for my poem  
"through the eyes of a rat". (The rest of you better read it too, if you  
love me. Hehe.)  
HyperCaz: hehe well these things would be a bit weird, considering the  
author ^_^ *moi*  
Child of the Wolves: Harry says "Thank you, I take good care of my feet."  
And thanks bunches to StarWars-Freak, who's given me more reviews than  
everyone else. Yay! ^__^  
So, onward.))  
**********  
Ron was king.  
Ron had a big cushy throne.  
Hermione came in.  
Ron and Hermione began to snog.  
Hermione was Ron's queen.  
Harry came in.  
Harry bounced around.  
Harry was Ron's jester.  
Ron woke up.  
It was the end of Transfiguration.  
Darn.  
THE END 


	29. Birthday

It was Harry's birthday.  
He got a package from Ron.  
It was a Q-tip.  
Harry stuck the Q-tip in his ear.  
His eardrum exploded.  
So did Harry.  
Harry and his eardrums died.  
THE END  
*****  
((A/N: Motivation for those of you who clean your ears out with Q-tips.  
Heehee.)) 


	30. Ceiling

Colin looked up at the enchanted ceiling.  
It was pink.  
"What the fookerr?" said Colin.  
He frolicked out onto the grounds.  
The sky was pink.  
"The world has gone batty!" shrieked Colin.  
He waved his arms.  
People stared at him like he was a maniac.  
Figures.  
THE END 


	31. Cow

((A/N: I guess I'll still update this, but check out my other stuff, since  
I've finally come up with it. So far the only stuff I have are three poems,  
one is HP related and the other two are just general poems about  
depression, which I wrote in seventh grade and put away till now (I was  
going through this depression stage thing that whole year.eck). So.here we  
are. I'm pretty tired, it's late at night, but I can't fall asleep, so I'm  
just writing some of these pointless things, eh.  
Reviewers:  
pixiedust22: Yes, well, losers like me have nothing better to do ^_^ I'm  
glad you liked it.  
Aerie22: Er, to tell you the truth I HAVE tried both stamp collecting and  
ice dancing.^^" my sister got me into them.LoL.not competitive  
lumberjacking though.um.eh. ^_^"" But hey, it's not like these ficlets are  
the only things I do. Hehe.  
StarWars-Freak: You are like, the coolest person ever. ^___^ Yay! I love  
reviews more than.than.eh. Well yeah. Anyway, thanks for taking time to  
review so much. ^____^))  
*  
*  
A cow walked into the Hufflepuff common room.  
The cow sat down.  
Ernie sneezed.  
Ernie was allergic to cows.  
Hannah wrinkled her nose.  
Ernie had sneezed on her.  
Justin laughed.  
He thought Hannah looked funny.  
Susan cried.  
She thought Justin was laughing at her.  
The cow realized they were all stupid, so he decided to leave and go to  
Ravenclaw, where they are supposed to be smarter.  
And indeed they were.  
THE END 


	32. Cow2

((A/N: Immediately after I put up the cow story I had even more reviews O_O  
whoo. But not all of them have shown up yet! GRRRR! I can't read them yet.  
And that makes me. Very sad. p_q BUT more people added me to their  
favorites list. YAY!!! *tears of joy* RAPTURE! MERRIMENT! And I also got  
reviews on my little poems. ^__^ yay! Except not all of those have shown up  
yet either.DARN. Grrr. Eh. And the really horrible-ness thing is that not  
all my stories are showing up! AAAH! I dunno why, I'll see if I can fix it  
tomorrow, because I am too lazy today. Hehe. Well, since I was bored and no  
one else has updated their wonderful fics, I decided to pass the time and  
add a second half to the cow thing.oh goody.))  
*  
*  
The cow entered the Ravenclaw common room.  
Michael saw him.  
He glared at the cow.  
He doesn't like cows.  
The cow mooed.  
Cho heard the cow.  
She skipped down the stairs into the room.  
She saw the cow.  
Cho likes cows!  
Cho kissed the cow.  
The cow realized that the Ravenclaws weren't any smarter.  
The cow was downtrodden.  
He gave up and trod down the stairs.  
And was never seen again.  
THE END 


	33. Scream

Ron screamed.  
Harry screamed.  
Myrtle screamed.  
Hermione screamed.  
Ernie screamed.  
Colin screamed.  
Ginny screamed.  
Dean screamed.  
Lavender screamed.  
Cho screamed.  
Parvatti screamed.  
Seamus screamed.  
Draco screamed.  
Vincent screamed.  
Gregory screamed.  
Pansy screamed.  
Millicent screamed.  
Blaise screamed.  
Michael screamed.  
Dennis screamed.  
Hannah screamed.  
Justin screamed.  
Susan screamed.  
Everyone else screamed.  
"You're all mental," thought Hedwig.  
And indeed they were.  
THE END 


	34. Nosedrops

((A/N: Yay. To my wonderful reviewers, who are wonderful. Nicely put eh?  
soccer-chick250: Shiny Oscar! *_* nuh.I LOVE YOU! *Hugs the Oscar* Ick, I  
don't like cherry applesauce. Applesause makes me nauseous.eh.  
munky chunk: Yes, tragically my stories got messed and VANISHED into  
oblivion.but eh, they're back now, I think. YAY! ^_^  
UnCoNtRoLaBle: Kay then, I did a thing for precious Voliekins. ^_^ Glee.  
So those are my review things. Keep reviewing! Yay!))  
*  
*  
Voldemort was holding a Death Eater meeting.  
"So, my idea is, we-WHAT?" Wormtail was tugging his sleeve.  
"Please sir, you.you forgot your nosedrops." Wormtail whimpered.  
The Death Eaters stared.  
Wormail gave Voldemort his nosedrops.  
Lucius snickered.  
And that was the last time anyone made fun of Voldiekins or his nosedrops.  
THE END 


	35. Truffles

Justin Finch-Fletchley waltzed into the out of order girls bathroom.  
He had a bag of truffles.  
"FOR ME?" shrieked Myrtle  
"Yes, honey pie," answered Justin.  
Myrtle stuffed her face with the truffles.  
They began to snog.  
It was then that the author remembered that ghosts cannot snog.  
Or can they?  
The author does not know.  
"I do not know!" yelled the author.  
"Tomorrow, I want croutons," said Myrtle.  
"Okay," said Justin.  
THE END  
*  
*  
((A/N: Got my idea from, well.I'm stuffing my face with truffles right now,  
I have been blessed with a high metabolism.but now I feel sick.eck. And  
croutons are good. I want croutons. But first I want a drink to wash down  
these truffles.happy day.)) 


	36. Beautiful

((A/N: Reviewers. Okay, so I only had one new reviewer, but that's ok.  
Hehe.  
UnCoNtRoLaBle: Yes, a whale dick is called a dork.at least that's what I've  
heard from all my insane friends with their stupid "dork" jokes *sigh* and  
I just made one about Voldie, it's kind of retarded, well, I mean, all of  
these are, but yeah. Eheh. ^_^ and I DID read one of your stories (I'll  
read the other one later, though. I'm just busy for the rest of the day.)  
and left a review. Yay.))  
*  
*  
Harry walks into the Great Hall, donning a bra and a teeeeeeny tiny mini  
skirt.  
He begins to sing loudly.  
"WE ARE BEAUTIFUUUUL NO MATTER WHAT THEY SAAAAY"  
Hermione and Ron stare at him.  
They blink.  
They stare.  
"How does that bra stay on him, anyway?" asks Ron.  
"It's either underwire or man-boobs." said Hermione.  
They eat their dinner.  
And they are happy.  
THE END  
*  
*  
((A/N: Those lyric things are from Christina Aguilera's song "Beautiful"  
for those of you who don't know already, aka: no one. I just eck. I don't  
like that song, sorry. But her other songs are cool.yeh. Just not that  
one.it's ok the first time you listen to it but then it just gets  
boring.you know? Yea. Kay.)) 


	37. Peeves

((A/N: I am a mongoose. Yar.  
Reviewers:  
Liseli Kateb: OOOH yay! I'm glad you liked them. ^___^ Well, as for the  
chapterish thing, I don't think you should worry, that almost always  
happens, you just have to wait. Sometimes for a minute, sometimes for a  
day, but usually not longer than that.yeh.))  
*  
*  
Peeves was bouncing around the school.  
The Bloody Baron glared at him.  
Peeves abruptly stopped bouncing.  
Peeves was bouncing around the school.  
The Gray Lady glared at him.  
Peeves made a rude hand gesture.  
Peeves was bouncing around the school.  
Nearly-Headless Nick glared at him.  
Peeves stole his head.  
Peeves was bouncing around the school.  
The Fat Friar glared at him.  
Peeves kissed him and.it went on from there.  
Ron passed by.  
"Get a room!" he yelled at them.  
They were embarrassed  
THE END 


End file.
